Monday, October 15, 2012
I recently had a coaching session with a client. He mentioned a fews years back life was tough. He expressed how he didn’t even feel like living. He wasn’t suicidal he was very down - depressed. Life had gotten heavy and from his perspective it defeated him. In our coaching session he said certain things can happen that bring the thoughts back. Thoughts come first and then feelings. Your feelings are a direct reflection of what you’ve been thinking.
His wife triggered some old thoughts and sure enough he gets really down. When his wife gets down and negative he attaches a meaning that he’s not doing good enough. He takes it personally, it’s his fault she’s feeling down. Our mind will take over and spiral down emotionally. He begins to look at all the bad things that aren’t working in his life. It doesn’t take long before he spirals down to feeling depressed.
Don’t let your program run. He had a wife who triggered his negative/depressing program. She’s not to blame at all. She’s not right to bring home negative energy but he must take responsibility for his own emotions. And that’s exactly what we did in our coaching session. I mentioned to him that every person needs to feed their mind with high level energy fuel.
Your probably thinking what the heck is high level energy fuel? Is it some sports drink? It’s consciously finding the positive in the world. Most of the time people are focusing on what’s not good. If we spend to much time focusing on the bad, we can find unhappiness very easily. I titled this chapter building new muscle because muscle is being built regardless. When we focus on what’s bad in life we’re building muscle (mental program) that tells us we can’t in life.
So we need to become conscious of the positive. Where in the world is the good thing happening. There are so many tools that you can use to create good emotions. How would it feel to be happy and have an exciting outlook on life? Every day! Holy cow would that be amazing or what? Well you can and you need to take over and drive the bus. So take control of your mind instead of having your mind take you over.
Here are some tools that will create great positive energy for life. The power of focusing. Choose what you focus on. Create a list of all the good things in life both personally and professionally. Be grateful every day. Ask the question, “What am I grateful for?” Speaking of questions that’s another great tool, ask empowering questions. Take 15 minutes every day to read a self improvement book. Journal every day on what was good in the day. Go on Youtube and search motivational or inspirational and watch the videos. Get in touch with your spiritual self.
So if you want new muscle you need to workout (mental muscle). You have 100% responsibility of your emotional well being.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Five minutes had passed and my client had not called in for his coaching session. So I decided to call him, no answer. I left my usual message when a client doesn’t show on time. A couple days had passed and I hadn’t heard from him. On the third day, I received a call from his wife. When I answered my phone, I recognized his number on caller id but it wasn’t him. It was his wife.
Hearing her voice and not his confused me and I thought, “What is going on?”. She began by telling me she was a little behind in returning calls and apologized it took a couple days to get back to me. Then she told me why she was calling and not her husband. She told me her husband died in his sleep just a few day’s ago. I was floored by this news. I thought I just coached him last week. He was such a great person who had a wife a small child.
As she told me the news and replayed it over she became very emotional. She was still in shock herself. I was very sadden by the news and hurt for her and the child. Then she asked me a question. She had an understanding of the coaching process. She new our coaching relationship was open and her husband most likely shared his personal thoughts. She asked a few questions which of course I answered. Then there was a pause and she asked, “Was he happy?”
Isn’t that the essence of life - happiness. She new her husband wasn’t able to take any of his possessions he had with him. However she wanted to know at his death was he happy in life.
Stop and think about your life for a moment. Are you happy? Do you know what makes you happy? We can get immersed in life and focus on to much. We often lose the true meaning of life. I’ve found so many people don’t live their truest values. I’ve also noticed people don’t know how to define happiness. We make it very difficult to be happy. We need to be very rich in order to be happy. Well what if you’re not rich with money? No happiness for you, yes - no?
Take a moment and write down what you really value in life. Make a list of at least 10 of your top values. If you value meaningful conversations then write it down. I’d recommend after your initial list to give it a day and come back. Do you still agree with your list. Now ask what would it take to live these values. Let’s use the meaningful conversations as an example. If your rule to live that value was to be able to speak with your closest relationships every day in person. Well what if they live halfway around the world?
Here’s the point, we have rules which determines our happiness. If your rule is to be in person with your closest friends but they don’t live near you. Do you see the problem? Don’t make happiness so difficult. Begin to live your values and keep the rules easy.
I'd love for you to be as happy as you want. Here's a great resource - FREE audio coaching tips Get them here
Monday, October 8, 2012
Your Mind Is The Story
How do you feel when you wake in the morning? When you wake up each morning your true feelings show. So are you happy... frustrated... upset...? We all have a story in us that creates a feeling. I like to refer to it as our program. Deep inside you there’s a program, think of it like a CD. This CD has been created by your experiences both directly and indirectly. Everything in your life has been recorded. Our emotion is the glue.
So lets say when you were young you gave a presentation at school. And lets say it didn’t go so well. You were really nervous and very self conscious. You fumbled through it, stuttered at times. So nervous it was obvious to your classmates. Emotionally it was pretty intense. This was recorded into your mind. The fear that was created was the glue. This experience wouldn’t be forgotten and most likely would become part of your story.
What’s the story? It could fit into many but seems very natural to fit under the “I’m not a good public speaker” . You could have a much harsher story such as, “I’m a horrible public speaker”. You’d tell yourself, “I’ll never do that again”. Which then would go under the “I’m not good enough”.
So here’s the thing, you don’t wake up each morning with that specific story. As time passes stories begin to get stacked on each other. However you may wake up feeling behind, stressed, maybe confused. If this has been going on for some time that’s because the program has been running. That CD inside you has been running with all the stories.
You’ve created a behavior from these stories that have been running. So become aware of your behaviors. Do you feel lazy? Or are you the opposite, always on and can’t seem to stop doing? The stories we live by have given strength to our inner voice. Yes, we have a voice inside us that we hear every day. This voice is with you, this voice is there first thing in the morning. What does the voice tell you when you awake?
As long as you let the voice ramble on the story will continue. You may need to think about this so you can become aware of your voice. We all have one and it loves to control us. If you wake each morning and seem to be unhappy it’s because the voice says you need to do more. You haven’t done enough. You won’t experience freedom because the voice won’t allow it.
So here’s your plan of action. Simply become aware of the voice. Don’t battle it, just hear it. Learn what it tells you and how you use to respond to it’s commands. You are not that voice. Nows the time to hear your authentic voice. Your true voice has been spoken over most of the time. Now’s the time to let it shine. Speak your truth and your life will begin to change. You’ll wake up each day feeling so much better.
Audio coaching tips available Click Here
Audio coaching tips available Click Here